recently I feel like very dep ssed because I waste a lot of time,at least 4 days

i have set up very many objectives including study English ,participate in reading /writing /speaking and listening  on July,and also want to let my salary over 10000RMB per month ,not now just 4000RMB per month ,and evenly i don't think it's suitable for me to do the job need to deal with peoples.so I just doubt that if I suitable to be a seller .

now my age is 30，but I have nothing ,no height ,no money ,owe a lot of money around 50000 yuan,I don't think I am a smart person,I haven't good background ,what my ideal life is find a place and find a person I loved live together forever.But I don't think it's easy for me now

In my p sent cognition，I'm lack of courage and can't stick one thing too long ,I always give up halfway,with a lot of negative feelings make a lot of annoyance,and I always to find the correct exit to escape the bad mentality and I think I can get rid of this bad mood one day.but several days later I just back original point,it seems that I never make any progress ,even only a small step ,so I find a way to discover what I have changed recently days,one day I figure it out I decided to write a letters to myself that in the future,is order to what achievements  I have get.